In the Air!

In the Air!
400 feet above the ground in Orlando.

Florida

Florida
Taking my first step towards a new life.

Virginia

Virginia
Spending an afternoon at Marymount during my internship!

My rocks!

My rocks!
Wouldn't be where I am without my parents!

Graduation

Graduation
Walking for my Masters. An interesting book end as this all started when I graduated from undergrad!

Awesome Nurses!

Awesome Nurses!
After my port removal and saying goodbye to my chemo nurses before moving away from Michigan. Wouldn't be doing that without them!

Hair again!

Hair again!
Growing longer each day

Last Chemo

Last Chemo

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Silliness

Silliness
Something to remember and return to. A good day!

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Saturday, January 16, 2016

365 Things to Smile About Days 160, 161 and 162. Rough But Moving On

So the past few days have been a little rough.  In fact, yesterday involved a small melt down at the cancer center getting a blood draw.  It hurt so bad when the needle went into my port and continued to hurt so they had to take it out.  It was in perfectly but for some reason my pain sensors decided to fire on all thrusters!  I held ice to it for about 15 minutes and in that time I found myself looking around the infusion room remembering and feelings of going through treatment.  Wanting to reach out to someone I can't reach out to anymore for comfort.  Then my brain started thinking about someday having to do it again if there was a repeat performance by the nasty bugger.  Needless to say the tears started flowing and I couldn't stop them!  The second poke went smoothly and I only felt the initial sting this time but I still couldn't stop crying.  So I have been struggling.

Well, today I had to get up early and ride the train back to school.  I found myself staying busy when I got home...unpacking and doing my grocery shopping and trying to study (falling asleep!) and making a really good dinner and then doing my workout routine in the family room.  And then I realized, yes, it's been rough lately in a lot of different ways.  But I was able to keep moving forward. No amazing, clear realization came with it.  No euphoric feeling.  Just the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep moving.  And finding little things to smile about.  Like texting with friends.  Or a song on the radio.  Or the satisfaction that comes with making a dinner that actually tasted good!  My taste buds have been doing funky things these past couple years so I am never sure of a good tasting meal!  Lol!:).  So, here is my thing to smile about.  Even when it is rough, I can keep moving forward.  :)

2 comments:

Amy King said...

Hang in there. This is such a rollercoaster ride. I too have those melt downs. Back in Nov. I was sitting in the infusion center waiting for my labs to come back so I could start my treatment, and the lab came back with a too low white cell count. I couldn't get my treatment and I just lost it. I couldn't stop crying and I knew it was silly but the rollercoaster got the best if me that day.

Just keep moving forward. That's what I tell myself. Always forward, and be kind to yourself.

Catherine said...

You are absolutely right Amy. I guess what is hard is I try so hard to push down the tears thinking so many people have it worse than I do that I often won't let myself feel what I'm feeling and then it just explodes when I can't hold it in anymore. I have to be okay with crying.