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I feel like this is all just quite simply life. But sometimes it takes time to process it and life doesn't always give you that time. So I had to break it down. Go through it and acknowledge the not so good and the good alike.
Not so good: a violation of my privacy and trust and the struggle of deciding if I should go on sharing my story and my journey through this blog.
Good: learning to be more aware of the people around me and learning prudence as well as not letting fear, that all to often present acquaintance, get the better of me.
Not so good: abnormal cells found a second year in a row and the over whelming anxiety and fear felt for almost two weeks!
Good: getting the all clear from the doctor that upon further investigation there is still no evidence of disease. However, I was referred to go speak to a gyno oncologist just to be on the safe side and make sure everything that can't be seen is all good.
Not so good: still no foster child. So many people around me with new babies, pregnant, adopting. Me praying to God to be a mother.
Good: Being a foster parent means that before they come to me a child must be hurting and I do not want any child to hurt.
And then I looked only at the good.
Good: I am surrounded at work and in my personal life by kind and caring people who are all prayer warriors!
Good: I live in one of the most beautiful areas on God's earth and can easily find the beauty in God's creation that brings me peace.
Good: I have learned to turn more and more to God with my fear and sadness and troubles and find Him soothing my heart and soul.
Good: Visiting with friends and seeing the lovely creations God has made through their love in the form of smiling and beautiful babies.
Good: Exploring all over and rediscovering old haunts and creating new ones. Taking the time God has given me and filling it with good and happy memories.
Good: Doing things that make me smile like coloring my hair purple and blue!!!!
Good: Talking with my parents and siblings and sharing personal moments and happy moments.
Good: Finding new ways and continuing old ways of sharing my story in the hopes I can help as many people as possible find the good in their lives, hope and moments to smile over, even in the midst of any frightening life changes they may be going through.
In that spirit, while I will continue to write and post this blog on the support groups I am in, I have also started a private Facebook group where I can also share more through pictures, videos and hear from you and your stories. If you would like to join, it is called Life After Cancer. It is a closed group so you will have to request to join. In sharing my story I want to encourage others to share their stories. There are no pre-requisites to be a member. Maybe it is cancer or infertility or diabetes or the loss of a family member. We all go through different things in life that change us and will take a long time to handle and process. I know it has been over 5 years since I went through it all and I am finding I am still going through it and trying to negotiate through life. For me, sharing helps me process and I want to invite you to share too or just sit back and read and maybe I can in some small way help you or at the very least. make you smile.
Finally, I just want to say, Thank You Lord for Your support and comfort and blessings over the past few months. Thank You Lord for Your constant presence and the people You have sent into my life, for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Thank You Lord for helping me every day and Thank You Lord for Your love and strength.
