In the Air!

In the Air!
400 feet above the ground in Orlando.

Florida

Florida
Taking my first step towards a new life.

Virginia

Virginia
Spending an afternoon at Marymount during my internship!

My rocks!

My rocks!
Wouldn't be where I am without my parents!

Graduation

Graduation
Walking for my Masters. An interesting book end as this all started when I graduated from undergrad!

Awesome Nurses!

Awesome Nurses!
After my port removal and saying goodbye to my chemo nurses before moving away from Michigan. Wouldn't be doing that without them!

Hair again!

Hair again!
Growing longer each day

Last Chemo

Last Chemo

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Silliness

Silliness
Something to remember and return to. A good day!

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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

365 Things to Smile About Day 276. Happy Memories Through Tears

Eight years ago today my older brother, Peter, passed away from cancer.  For 14 years he had been fighting it through three bouts.  The first two times it was a KO after a good fight.  The third time...it was time for him to go home to God and finally rest.  Eight years later and it still feels like it just happened.  I don't think the tears will ever stop coming when I think of him.  He was my brother.

We were less than two years apart and almost always paired off when doing things in the family.  We went through high school and college at the same time.  Dealt with dating and break ups and trying to get out on our own and finding where God wanted us in life.  It was like we were going through everything in life at the same time.  I knew I could always call him for advice when I was struggling and he knew he could always call me when he was struggling.  One semester he was having a rough time over a break up and he had my class schedule memorized!  lol:)  One time class went late and I had a voice mail from him asking me where I was:).  Lol!  But I was happy he knew I was there to listen.

He would come out to visit me and our other siblings in Virginia and Maryland and generally didn't tell us until he was there:).  One night I was with a house mate working on cleaning and we were being silly and singing when the doorbell rang.  My friend opened it and there was Peter, standing on the front porch with a big smile on his face!  I was so shocked it took me a minute to comprehend he was actually standing there!  Lol!.

Then there was the time he drove me from Virginia to Florida when I was starting school down there. He hung around for several days and helped me get settled in and explore the town.  It was really a great time just the two of us road tripping and exploring.  We had a little thing where I would get him stuffed toys for special occasions.  I had gotten him a stuffed dog in college and he loved it.  So I got him a small teddy bear for taking me to Florida.  He had that bear on his desk at work for years.

So many memories keep flooding back to me tonight.  The year he got a GoCart as a family gift and we took turns driving it up and down the snow covered road, doing doughnuts and sliding all over.  He was so tall he barely fit into it!  Or when we made stupid, silly videos with mom and dad's old VHS camera.  He was usually holding the camera:).  Going sledding and the year the boys were obsessed with snow boarding!  The summer we first moved to the farm and the ditch by the road was HUGE and full of water.  It was his idea to grab a canoe and paddle back and forth in the ditch!  His inability to forget the many times I always looked in the wrong direction at exciting moments:)  Scaring me out of my mind at grandma's!  He convinced me that at midnight a monster would come out of their Grandfather clock.  As it struck 12 we both heard footsteps coming towards the room we were sleeping in.  By the time grandma opened the door to see what the noise was, we were both up on the bed, holding each other and screaming in terror!!!  I guess that back fired on him!  So many memories that I can't write them all down.  But they are all in my memory and in my heart.

Yes, I am crying as I write this but at least I have almost 30 years of memories with him.  And I know he is watching over me even now.  I know he was next to me the whole time I was going through cancer and recovering and in school.  And I know he is with me now, encouraging me in the direction I am going.  But I still wish I could hear his voice; see him roll his eyes at me in irritation.  Get into an argument with him knowing I will never win...even when I win!  I miss him with my whole heart.  But I am going to keep smiling through these tears, and always remember him.














2 comments:

Amy King said...

So very sorry you lost your brother. He would be so proud of what you have achieved and the strong person you have become. Sending warm thoughts your way.

Catherine said...

Thanks Amy:). I appreciate that. I do believe he is keeping an eye on me:). I hope he is proud:).