The night before...ready but scared.

Well, tomorrow I get my port put in for my chemo.  While I logically know that the procedure is simple, and they do between 800 to 1000 a year at this place, and it will only make me a little sore, I'm still freaked out by it all.  Honestly, who wants to be cut in to?  But, I do know that I need this port.  Because I need it I will go through with it.  But that doesn't mean I can't be scared.

As scared as I am though, I am not physically freaking out tonight.  I had to watch my grandma go through a similar but more in depth procedure like mine.  She had to get a pace make put in and it is more involved.  She said she doesn't remember a thing and is just sore.  If my 89 year old grandmother can go through this procedure TWICE in a 24 hour period, I can do a simpler procedure without freaking out too bad.

I think what helps keep things calmer for me is focusing on other things.  Like a trip to the fabric store and finding some nice fabric and yarn.  Sitting and watching DVDs while knitting a shawl.  But also by repeating, it won't be that bad.  Scary but not that bad.  Staying active in any way and staying positive while acknowledging the fear I feel.

So, while I am saying I can do this and it will be over fast, let me also say....I'M SCARED!!!  But...I can do this.