In the Air!

In the Air!
400 feet above the ground in Orlando.

Florida

Florida
Taking my first step towards a new life.

Virginia

Virginia
Spending an afternoon at Marymount during my internship!

My rocks!

My rocks!
Wouldn't be where I am without my parents!

Graduation

Graduation
Walking for my Masters. An interesting book end as this all started when I graduated from undergrad!

Awesome Nurses!

Awesome Nurses!
After my port removal and saying goodbye to my chemo nurses before moving away from Michigan. Wouldn't be doing that without them!

Hair again!

Hair again!
Growing longer each day

Last Chemo

Last Chemo

Google+ Followers

Silliness

Silliness
Something to remember and return to. A good day!

Follow by Email

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The night before...ready but scared.

Well, tomorrow I get my port put in for my chemo.  While I logically know that the procedure is simple, and they do between 800 to 1000 a year at this place, and it will only make me a little sore, I'm still freaked out by it all.  Honestly, who wants to be cut in to?  But, I do know that I need this port.  Because I need it I will go through with it.  But that doesn't mean I can't be scared.

As scared as I am though, I am not physically freaking out tonight.  I had to watch my grandma go through a similar but more in depth procedure like mine.  She had to get a pace make put in and it is more involved.  She said she doesn't remember a thing and is just sore.  If my 89 year old grandmother can go through this procedure TWICE in a 24 hour period, I can do a simpler procedure without freaking out too bad.

I think what helps keep things calmer for me is focusing on other things.  Like a trip to the fabric store and finding some nice fabric and yarn.  Sitting and watching DVDs while knitting a shawl.  But also by repeating, it won't be that bad.  Scary but not that bad.  Staying active in any way and staying positive while acknowledging the fear I feel.

So, while I am saying I can do this and it will be over fast, let me also say....I'M SCARED!!!  But...I can do this.

No comments: