In the Air!

In the Air!
400 feet above the ground in Orlando.

Florida

Florida
Taking my first step towards a new life.

Virginia

Virginia
Spending an afternoon at Marymount during my internship!

My rocks!

My rocks!
Wouldn't be where I am without my parents!

Graduation

Graduation
Walking for my Masters. An interesting book end as this all started when I graduated from undergrad!

Awesome Nurses!

Awesome Nurses!
After my port removal and saying goodbye to my chemo nurses before moving away from Michigan. Wouldn't be doing that without them!

Hair again!

Hair again!
Growing longer each day

Last Chemo

Last Chemo

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Silliness

Silliness
Something to remember and return to. A good day!

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Friday, August 30, 2013

Motivation & Staying Positive

I was texting with a friend this morning and the topic of motivation came up.  I was encouraging him to go for a promotion and it was all about being motivated to.  Then I realized that I really didn't have a leg to stand on concerning this topic.  My own motivation for things is so low that I felt like a hypocrite!  Take this blog for instance.  I had every intention of making it an almost daily thing and yet, I have a hard time motivating myself to write on it most days.  I always have an excuse.  I'm tired, it makes my eyes tired looking at the screen, when I finish writing I'm worn out, I don't know what to write.  So many excuses.  And some days, they are legitimate excuses!  Especially for that first week after chemo.  But really, the rest of the time...I'm making excuses.

I would like to say that from now on I am going to strive to write daily on my blog...but I know the reality is that there will be days when looking at a computer is the last thing I want to do!  However, I will say that I am going to try my hardest to blog more often!  In all honesty, I think it will help.  I'm hoping it will at least:).  See, on top of struggling with motivation, I also struggle with staying positive.

I'm told that 50% of fighting cancer is to stay positive.  And I would say in general, I am a positive person.  But there are those moments that staying positive is as hard as running a marathon when you have never trained for one!  I am determined that I am going to win the fight I am in now...but once in a while I feel my strength slipping.  I feel those fears and doubts creeping up.  I wonder if this will ever really be over.  If I'll ever drive my car again, visit friends, be able to do more than sit in a chair to watch movies...walk around the yard occasionally and lay down and read.  I have found that writing does help, even if it is exhausting most often, and also remembering all the things I want to do again.  Like sew without feeling my brain slide sideways thinking about what it takes to sew!  I miss creating little bags and blankets.  But I keep telling myself that this is going to change.  That my strength will come back!  It has been over four months of struggling and surely I can handle another two months.  After which I should see only improvement.  Slow, yes, but improvement.

Staying motivated and positive are two very important things I think...and I'm finding also two difficult things as well!  But, I am determined.  Chemo 4 is around the corner and I start the down hill slide to recovery:)  Looking forward to being me again! 

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