Motivation & Staying Positive

I was texting with a friend this morning and the topic of motivation came up.  I was encouraging him to go for a promotion and it was all about being motivated to.  Then I realized that I really didn't have a leg to stand on concerning this topic.  My own motivation for things is so low that I felt like a hypocrite!  Take this blog for instance.  I had every intention of making it an almost daily thing and yet, I have a hard time motivating myself to write on it most days.  I always have an excuse.  I'm tired, it makes my eyes tired looking at the screen, when I finish writing I'm worn out, I don't know what to write.  So many excuses.  And some days, they are legitimate excuses!  Especially for that first week after chemo.  But really, the rest of the time...I'm making excuses.

I would like to say that from now on I am going to strive to write daily on my blog...but I know the reality is that there will be days when looking at a computer is the last thing I want to do!  However, I will say that I am going to try my hardest to blog more often!  In all honesty, I think it will help.  I'm hoping it will at least:).  See, on top of struggling with motivation, I also struggle with staying positive.

I'm told that 50% of fighting cancer is to stay positive.  And I would say in general, I am a positive person.  But there are those moments that staying positive is as hard as running a marathon when you have never trained for one!  I am determined that I am going to win the fight I am in now...but once in a while I feel my strength slipping.  I feel those fears and doubts creeping up.  I wonder if this will ever really be over.  If I'll ever drive my car again, visit friends, be able to do more than sit in a chair to watch movies...walk around the yard occasionally and lay down and read.  I have found that writing does help, even if it is exhausting most often, and also remembering all the things I want to do again.  Like sew without feeling my brain slide sideways thinking about what it takes to sew!  I miss creating little bags and blankets.  But I keep telling myself that this is going to change.  That my strength will come back!  It has been over four months of struggling and surely I can handle another two months.  After which I should see only improvement.  Slow, yes, but improvement.

Staying motivated and positive are two very important things I think...and I'm finding also two difficult things as well!  But, I am determined.  Chemo 4 is around the corner and I start the down hill slide to recovery:)  Looking forward to being me again!