My New Normal Day 11. Hurricanes

I grew up in Michigan where tornados occasionally visited. Now I'm in Florida where I discovered Hurricane season starts now. And it's kicking off with a nice, big storm. Fortunately it is going north of me...and hopefully missing my brothers...but the rain!!

Rain will never end, or at least not for another week. I'm listening to it come and go and thinking about the daily emails I receive from the facilities manager at work with updates on the storms that come through. Very much a different thought process for me!  I don't want to actually experience a hurricane but it's definitely a new concept for me!

My New Normal Days 9 & 10. Certified!

And so the goal has been reached. The end of my program and two years of studying and working is completely finished. Sure, there is more I want to add to my knowledge and credentials but my original journey has come to its conclusion!

Today I am now officially a CERTIFIED Orientation and Mobility Specialist!  All the hoops have been jumped through and hurdles cleared!  I was able to go online and search all the COMS and my name was among them!  

The crazy thing is, I've been so focused on school and tests and reaching this goal and getting a job that I haven't stopped to really think of what comes next. How I'm going to live my life after I've reached all these goals. I have to admit...it's pretty anxiety provoking sometimes!  Lol!  I know I want to live as much as I can!  I know I want to be happy! I know I want to love and be loved!  I know I want a full life!  Now I guess I have to figure all that out!

But until I do, I'm going to be pretty happy that I'm DONE!  I've reached my goals and it is even nationally recognized!!  Time to take that next step forward once I figure out what it is!

My New Normal Day 8. Look Out!

It's been frustrating looking for an apartment and I freely admit that today I got all new grouchy level!  The frustration and stress is certainly getting to me. 

As I was walking out of the last apartment building I had probably my 100th run in with the little speed racer lizards down here!!  Those little buggers creep me out with how fast they run right under your feet!  But for some reason, as I did a small jig trying to avoid the little guy, I started to laugh. Not a huge amount but enough to start to feel better.   So as much as these lizards freak me out and make me jump, I'm a tiny bit grateful for that little guy for making me laugh as I danced around him in the parking lot. 😊 

My New Normal Day 7. Brothers!!!

One of the most important things to me is my family. It's tough to have everyone living all over the country because we don't get to see each other often. Today I got to visit with one of my younger brothers whom I haven't been able to see in just over two years!

One of the perks of my new job is that I can drive two hours north west and I see my brother Jim again!  Then I drive two hours north east and see my brother Andy!  

Being able to see Jim today was so great!  He was there for me from day one when I got sick.  We were both going to school in Kzoo at the time. When I was in the ER (which he drove me to one of the three times I went there that first week) he was there holding my hand, trying to make me laugh and just being there for me.  When I was going through chemo he shaved his head and kept it bald until my hair started growing back!  I'm so happy to be within visiting distance from him again!  So yes, today was a pretty great day because I got to see my brother again!

The picture below is of Jim and I before my hair grew back in at my 34th birthday / chemo is over party 2 years and 9 months ago:). The two baldies giving each other rabbit years!  I can't quite reach above his head!  Lol!

This picture is from today with Jim and I!  Lots of hair on both of our heads now!  Lol!!

My New Normal Day 6. First Week & Independance

My first full week of the new job is finished and I am happy with it:). Back to earning my own living. Back to being able to take care of myself.  It is amazing how much independence you loose when your entire focus is on getting healthy.   You do what you have to do and it isn't always easy or kind to your pride. 

For three years now I have been depending on others to get me through the months and years as I worked to get healthy and then worked to get back into the work force and doing something that is important to me. 

And now I have finished my first week of punching a time clock again. I looked at the 40.5 hours and took a moment to let it sink in that those hours will equal so many dollars and those dollars will add up to make me truly independant again.  It was a moment of relief followed by a moment of absolute terror. If anything else happened to me, I would have to watch it all disappear again.  So for today, I am going to keep working and get my Independance completely back and find a way to never loose that Independance again!

My New Normal. Days 4 & 5. Overwhelming

Moving to a new city can be stressful. Moving to a new state is starting to feel beyond that. I've noticed something of late. It's harder to stay focused when I feel like I'm getting no where. Apartment hunting has become overwhelming and I'm trying to find a way to make it less so. 

The actual hunting won't get any easier but I'm hoping I can find ways to relax and loosen up.  I get pulled into my work and that's good but once the day is over I feel like it's all falling on my head. I didn't use to have this problem. I could look at what was becoming overwhelming and come up with a solution and fix it.  Now, I can't seem to get my thoughts together when it's a personal struggle like this.  Another new reaction. 

I sometimes wonder if the difficulty in organizing my personal life now is because I lost complete control of it when I was sick. Somehow the professional aspect is easier to deal with because there are guidelines and a clear path. Personally, moving to another state and leaving all my friends and boyfriend almost 1000 miles away, trying to find a place to live and meeting new friends...just thinking about this is making my anxiety kick up!  And I'm in the middle of it!  

Being far away from your support system and slowly trying to build a new one, maybe that's part of the problem. I'm excited to be taking my first step into my new career but I'm honestly scared of being really on my own down here.   Taking one small step at a time and trying to not get completely overwhelmed.  I know I can do this but it won't happen over night. 

My New Normal Day 3. Masters Degree, Check!

It took a year longer than the program normally takes but as of today, I HAVE MY MASTERS DEGREE!!!!  My degree was awarded today!!  That was an exciting email to read!  Lol!  I have to admit that as it sank in I got more than a little emotional thinking about it. 

I started the program less than a year out of chemo. Not the easiest thing to do!  Talk about discovering a new normal!  I wanted to put everything behind me and forget and that lasted maybe a month before I exhausted myself to the point of being incredibly sick for weeks!

 I had to completely readjust my schedule, my study habits, my perspective!  Instead of a one year program, I had to take two years and frustratingly watched all my other classmates I started with finish and move on before me!  I honestly started to wonder if it was going to ever be over and successful!  I could no longer just push through when I got tired and had to accept a lot of changes. 

Those readjustments of perspective and changes are still going on. At the end of a day of work I don't do much but go home. I save many things for the weekend. And I do still rest a lot more than life pre-cancer. 

But despite all that, today I'm celebrating (and will continue to do so this weekend) an accomplishment that three years ago right now never crossed my chemo pickled brain as even remotely possible!!  Now it's not just possible, it's a reality. It's a part of my life and I can close my eyes and breath a sigh of relief and joy!!!  

I can't believe I did it!  I actually did it!!