Feet Back Under Me: Teenage Plans VS Reality.

Tonight, as I sat at my kitchen table and paid bills, I found myself thinking back to my teen years and how I thought about what my life would be like.  I don't remember all the scenarios that went through my head as I had a very, over active imagination!  There may or may not have been a hope to find myself transported into a magical fantasy land that was some combination of Narnia and Middle Earth!  Lol!

It is interesting though to look at what I thought would happen vs reality.

Teenager Plan:  Be an actress.
Reality:  Tried out for a play in college and couldn't stop laughing through the whole tryout!!  I was horrible!!  But I found out in college that I had a talent for working back stage as stage manager!

Teenager Plan:  Be an author.
Reality:  I still love to write and have so many stories I have started but haven't finished.  I feel like this is still a plan that could happen.  One of these days I will get the stories inside of me into books!  And maybe turn one of my blog series into a book too :).  Not giving up on this one teenage me!

Teenager Plan:  Get married young and have a big family.
Reality:  38 years old and not married.  Hurting still from a break up that I knew I had to do for me.  Still in love with that man.  As for a big family, well, adopting and fostering is my hope for the future.  Started to seriously look into both options as of a couple months ago.   Easier to write than to do but a family, and maybe even a big family, I think is still in the cards for me.  As for marriage, I suppose I have a lot of work to do on myself before that can happen :).

Teenager Plan: Be a singer.
Reality:  On occasion I can hit some pretty high and on key notes.  But a Grammy is not in my future!  Lol!

Teenager Plan:  Be a teacher:
Reality:  I was actually a teacher for one year!  I was hired to teach Creative Writing and ended up also teaching religion, spelling, and english.  I was planning to go back into teaching once I finished my undergrad degree in English Literature.  I even had a very promising interview process happening for a position as an English Teacher when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I had to pull myself out of the process (and I believe I had made it to the final round) when I had to go through chemo.

Teenager Plan: Own a house in the country by the time I was 25.
Reality:  38 and finally feeling like I can look for a house comfortably and on my own time schedule instead of just window shopping or desperately trying to find something to live in bigger than a studio apartment (buying would have been cheaper living when I was in Florida).

So many ideas went through my mind as a teenager as to where I would be when I was older.  For some reason the magic age for me was 25.  I felt like I would have my whole life figured out by then!  I would have to say that only in the last four years (since having cancer) have I stopped putting age limits on goals.  It is funny what seems old and established when you are in high school.  Very little turned out how I thought it would.    But that's ok.  So much more happened that was good that I never even imagined as a teenager.  And maybe as a teenager I would have said to my older self "Are you nuts!?"  A sentence I am sure my parents, family and friends stopped themselves from uttering...most of the time :).

So maybe my life didn't turn out as I planned.  Maybe the rest will be different than I think even now. All I know is I want to live it...whatever may come.  Create my adventures, open my life up to God's Will.  Do what I can for others and smile every day, even those times when my heart is hurting.    Because even though my teenage plans may not have come about as I had hoped, a pretty full life of 38 years is behind me to think back on and remember.  My present and future life, for however long God wants me here, is wide open in front of me for all the experiences, laughter, tears and surprises the Good Lord has in store for me!