In the Air!

In the Air!
400 feet above the ground in Orlando.

Florida

Florida
Taking my first step towards a new life.

Virginia

Virginia
Spending an afternoon at Marymount during my internship!

My rocks!

My rocks!
Wouldn't be where I am without my parents!

Graduation

Graduation
Walking for my Masters. An interesting book end as this all started when I graduated from undergrad!

Awesome Nurses!

Awesome Nurses!
After my port removal and saying goodbye to my chemo nurses before moving away from Michigan. Wouldn't be doing that without them!

Hair again!

Hair again!
Growing longer each day

Last Chemo

Last Chemo

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Silliness

Silliness
Something to remember and return to. A good day!

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Friday, April 18, 2014

Remembering at Anniversaries

Most of the time, the word Anniversary evokes happy thoughts and memories of weddings, birthdays and other happy events.  For me, right now, the word "anniversary" is evoking fear, sadness and sometimes total terror!  A year ago today I was checked into Bronson Hospital, with three units of blood already transfused and two more to come.  I had no idea what was wrong with me and terror was all I could feel…when I was coherent enough to feel it.

This month has been a rough one and I can't imagine May will be much better.  Diagnosed with cancer in April, surgery in May and then there is the anniversary of my brother Peter's death from cancer in May.  To put it lightly, I was a complete and total basket case a year ago.  While it is not as bad this year, just remembering it puts me in a cold sweat sometimes.  Or makes the tears come before I even know it.  I would love not to think about it and sometimes I can manage that.  But then out of the blue it all comes rushing back!

I am grateful that a year later I have had two clear checkups and I am grateful that slowly but surely I am getting back to my old level of energy and stamina.  But that fear…I wonder if it will ever go away.

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