An Interesting Birthday!

Well, today I turned 34!  Life hasn't exactly gone the way I thought it would but you know, this year hasn't been all bad!  In January I spent a weekend with friends in VA!  I managed to stay on the Deans List at Western all four semesters I was there!  And despite ER visits, hospitalization  and emergency surgery surrounded by anemia, I still managed to graduate Magna Cum Laude and was even able to walk across the stage to receive my diploma!  So yeah, there have been some awesome moments this year!  

Today was probably my most unique birthday!  I spent a couple hours at the hospital getting a CT scan!  While it will be a couple weeks before I meet with my oncologist to read it, I have total faith it will be a clear scan that will officially put me in remission!  There is no logical reason for it not to be!  But please say some prayers that is the case!

When I got home I was excited when the mail lady pulled into the drive and handed me a big box!  Inside was my present to me...NCIS Bert the farting Hippo and Bert slippers!!!!!!!   Perfect timing!!!  Lol!!  The slippers are warm and cute and Bert is totally huggable!!

Then tonight after a yummy steak dinner my parents brought out a cake and a present!  A beautiful 1 volume collection of all of Jane Austin's novels!!!!!  I don't care how much I love my kindle, I will always love the feal of

a real book in my hands and the way they look on my shelves!

So as I curl up in bed to go back and forth watching EUREKA and CHUCK on netflix, I'm happy to say today has been a good day!  I've included some pictures from the day below!  Here's to more happy days!

Crazy Like A Minion!

I freely admit, I love the minions from Despicable Me!  I think in part because their language is the language I feel like I am speaking!  Completely unintelligible!  Although they are just hilarious and no one really has any problems understanding them oddly enough!

No, I don't feel misunderstood for the most part.  I just feel like I can't get intelligent speech to leave my mouth!  In my head I can be either completely confused, totally blank or very eloquent!  What comes out my mouth is generally confusing or just won't come out at all but eloquence NEVER makes an appearance  anymore! 

I'm told this will change in time but until it does, I guess I'll have to embrace my inner minion and babble and bounce about with a crazy smile on my face and my random spikes of hair on my head and hope someone out there understands me before the men with the white jackets are called!

Mind Over Matter Doesn't Always Work!

Well, I know people say that mind over matter works but sadly not in the case of chemo recovery!  I had it in my mind that because I did so well during chemo that I was going to recover in a blink of an eye! Once the chemicals stop flowing you automatically get better, right?  WRONG!  

I'm slowly working on wrapping my head around the fact that one month after my last chemo I'm still spending most of my time in bed!  After wiping myself out so much I spent a whole day in bed curled up feeling sick from exhaustion TWICE I realized that taking it easy in my mind is not taking it easy in chemo reality!   I'm trying to find the right balance so I don't go insane!  But slow and easy wins the race I'm told!  Between you and me, that saying is annoying!  

But really, what can you do?  So I'm trying to find ways to keep me busy without wearing myself out.  I know I haven't been blogging much but mostly because I was in denial I think and didn't want to acknowledge that this was going to be a snails pace recovery!  But I have ideas to cope with the insane boredom!  Thinking of getting back into publishing!  More on that to come!

Words and Pictures

Ever since I can remember I've wanted to be a writer.  From writing stories to journalism, writing has just been a part of me.  The past six months, that part if me had to be mostly tucked away because for the first time since I learned how to put sentences together, writing was too hard.

I never realized how focused I would get when I wrote.  When your ability to focus is taken away, you realize how much you need it!  So, instead of a lot of writing, I started taking pictures.  I think it is possible to tell whole stories with a single picture!  Pictures can speak for themselves.  I think that is why I'm starting to love them more and more.  I could still tell a story but didn't have to focus so hard!

The picture you see here is with two if my nieces,  Becca and Lexie.  I think it shows happiness, and s lot if love!  And let's face it...it just looks too cool!  It will always be there to look back on and remember that moment I had my two nieces sitting next to me!  Those moments we capture don't always gave to be monumental.  The every day moments tell a larger story.  They tell the story of how a person lived.  Those thousands of big and small moments that show how a person became who they are.  Their story can take whole books to tell in words, and those pictures help to bring those words to life!

Moving Forward

We'll, I'm working on doing better each day.  Nothing too amazing happening.  Trying to do a little more each day.  Sadly having to avoid my dad who has a cold and praying I can stay healthy. 

One of the hard parts of being done is remembering I'm going to be at my lowest now from all the chemo and still have to be very carefully about getting sick!  So please pray hard I don't catch my dads cold!  The last chemo hit the hardest and even though my levels are still normal, they are low normal.  I just want to see those numbers start to go up and stay up! 

My Head Is More Alert Than My Body!

Well, a week and a half away from my last chemo and mentally I'm raring to go!  Physically is a completely different story!  It isn't that I can't do anything...but I have to go slowly, still rest A LOT and pace myself.

This I think will frustrate me the most now.  I'm the type of person who, when one thing in life is done, I'm ready to move on to the next right then and there.  My philosophy has always been, if you know what is next...why wait?  I always just jumped into the next thing.  This time though, I can't jump.  I have to slowly walk, and then rest, then slowly walk some more.  My brain may be saying full speed ahead but my body is trying to give it a reality check.  It isn't easy getting those two to agree these days!

So, I'm taking things one day at a time.  Trying not to get frustrated.  But also trying to move forward every day too.  Even if it isn't at the pace I want!

Last Chemo

A milestone was reached today...and I wasn't even sure I was going to reach it yet!  I finished my last chemo treatment! 

I've been fighting a sore throat since Sunday afternoon.  I think a little miracle happened!  Here is the power of prayer.  A sore throat is usually visually indicated by at least one of three things.  White patches, redness or swelling.  I was at the point where swallowing was painful!  And yet, every time my throat was checked, there was no visual indications that I was fighting anything!  So, your prayers, Mass and a blessing from a first class relic of St. Theresa of Jesus worked and I was able to take my last chemo today!!!!

I've been asked a couple times today how I feel and to be honest...I don't think it has fully sunk in yet!  This is a huge step towards recovery but I also acknowledge it is but one step.  I'm totally psyched that it has finally arrived, don't get me wrong!  But there is still a long road ahead and more fighting to do.  The icky recovery of the first week after chemo.  The long recovery from chemo and even some more recovery I couldn't fully do from my surgery.  Also, the continued fight and appointments to do everything we can for it not to come back!  That's a life long project.  But if I can make it through this...I can make it through anything!

I'm going to share some pictures I've been plastering on Facebook.  They are from today and include some of the people who have helped me through all of this.

One is with three of my awesome, amazing, loving, caring and dedicated nurses!  Without these women, and many more like them at the Cancer Center and hospital, these past months would have been completely unbearable!  You guys always make me feel better, lower my anxiety and build me up to be able to fight as hard as I can!  Love you all!!  I'll be coming back to visit for years to come!

Another photo is of me and Dr. Ron.  I have many doctors and each is important.  I was allowed to take my chemo MUCH closer to home and after my 2nd chemo, Dr. Ron took over as my supervising oncologist.  His regular check ups, kind frankness, encouragement and honesty were always helpful in building up my confidence!

A very big THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU goes out to my brother Chris and and my sister-in-law Margo!  From literally day one of this whole ordeal they have both been there for me.  From kneeling next to me on my kitchen floor to leaving work to meet me at the ER to holding my hand and making me laugh through two surgeries to helping me through the trauma of losing my hair and being there with love and support through all the chemo!  Today they surprised me by coming to my last chemo and hanging out with me!!!  They pulled me out of my Benadryl haze and made me laugh!  That visit meant so much to me as well as everything they have done for me!  I love you guys!

Another picture is of me and my mom.  I'm saving a separate blog about my parents though.  That will come after I've gotten up out of this chemo:).  Rest assured though, without them, I would be a total wreck! 

I'm done with chemo but the fight goes on.  If I can make it through this part though, I can make it through anything!   I have a request of you.  Reach out to the cancer community around you and be there for someone going through this horrible thing.  The physical connection in friendship is important to recovery!  I know that is going to be a big part of my future!